So I have to admit… when I initially found out we were having a girl my chest tightened, and I almost cried. After we left the ultrasound we went straight to Target, and as we were walking around the baby girls clothes section, I almost broke down in tears. I was surrounded by all the super girly things I hate… bright pink, huge bows, ruffles, and princess everything!
It seemed like it was about the clothes, but I knew it actually wasn’t. When I found out we were having a girl, I immediately felt an enormous amount of pressure! Pressure to make her confident, self-sufficient, independent, and strong. Pressure to make her comfortable with who she is. Pressure to make her stand up for herself! Pressure to make her stand up to boys. Pressure to make her happy. I don’t know why, but these were things that didn’t cross my mind when I had Maddox.
It’s always the joke that the women in my family are all stubborn, strong-willed, independent, and self-sufficient. We stand up for ourselves, we can change our own tires, we all have our own tools and can build/put together things we need. I instantly knew this was how I wanted Marlow to be, but I hadn’t the slightest idea how to do it. That pressure to help her become a strong woman was overwhelming. I saw all these uber feminine clothes and princess items as things that would prevent me from raising Marlow the way I wanted to. I have no idea why these things symbolized weakness at that moment because there’s nothing wrong with any of it, but it did. I mean hell, my mom loved everything pink and frilly as a child, but she grew up to be a dominant, strong-willed, hard working, feminist, lesbian! Haha ;-P
Josh could tell I was upset! He looked right at me, showing no sympathy, and said “Kira, this is our kid! We don’t have to do any of that stuff!” And that was all I needed to hear! It all clicked. This is my baby girl! I can raise her the way I want to! Then, of course, I started crying tears of excitement (and a little guilt that I had been so disappointed at first). So I have no idea what kind of woman Marlow Marie will become or if she’ll like pink, frilly dresses, want to wear all Nike, or a combination of both. However, I realize none of that matters. My focus will be on the type of person she becomes. While there are certain traits I hope she has, if she doesn’t, that’s ok too. She’s my baby girl, I’ll love her no matter what, and I’ll do everything I can to help guide her into the person she’s meant to be.
When I realized it wasn’t about the clothes, it was about the pressure I felt to raise a strong woman, I had lots of fun shopping for “girly” things! ;-P