Becoming a Stay at Home Mom

FullSizeRenderI never thought (or if I’m honest, even desired) to be a stay at home mom.

Growing up I always thought of myself as a an independent, take-charge, feminist, ready to stand up to any man and take on any challenge! I wanted to break glass ceilings and shatter stereotypes. All the women in my family worked full-time outside the home, and as far as I knew, they always had. (I didn’t realize at the time they had almost all stayed home when their kids were little.) So I just assumed that I would have a full-time job as well. Even when I got pregnant with my son, Maddox, I fully planned to return to teaching after a short maternity leave.

Josh brought up the idea of me staying home, but I quickly shot it down. I considered us a non-traditional couple who shared roles and split everything. I hung pictures, he did laundry, I built things, and he cleaned WAY better than I did.

To be completely honest, I had a terrible perception of being a stay at home mom. I thought of SAHMs as some 1950’s stereotype woman who’s only aspiration was to be a stay at home wife and mother. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but it wasn’t what I had envisioned for myself. I was a “career women.”

Then when Maddox was 4 months old, as I was preparing to return to work, it all hit me at once and I called my mom bawling! I realized I had completely changed my mind about everything! I couldn’t imagine leaving him for an hour, never less a full day! It was then I knew I wanted/needed to be a stay at home mom. It took another year with Maddox in day care before I was able to make it happen, but I am beyond greatful that I have the ability to stay home now!

It took me a while to admit I wanted to stay home and even longer for me to tell others. I don’t know why I felt that way, but I did. I feel extremely lucky that Josh’s job makes it possible for me to stay at home for now.  I plan to return to work when they are older, but for now, being a stay at home mom is exactly the right thing for me and for my family. I know moms who work outside the home, moms who work inside the home, and moms who stay home with their kids. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home and there’s no place I’d rather be. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, but now that I am, I can’t imagine doing anything else!

Did anyone else have weird feelings about staying home? Like it wasn’t “good enough” in some way? I’d love to hear how other SAHM felt about their decision to stay home.

 

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With Love,

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8 comments

  1. Well said, I like you never wanted to stay home. I valued my freedom to come as go as I pleased. Now a mom of 4, I still struggle to find a balance of being home and a true adult. I miss working but I truly wouldn’t want to leave my children with anyone. I guess betting the only domestic engineer in my group of friends makes it difficult to be seen as an equal in society.

  2. I was completely opposite: it’s crazy how much you own mothers decisions can influence your own. My mom stayed home for as long as I could remember. When I became pregnant, I didn’t have the luxury of staying home right away. It was terrifying to me! I couldn’t imagine not being the sole provider for my child during The day. Thankfully once my first was a few months old, I was able to leave the workplace behind and stay home with my babe. Being a mom is the greatest accomplishment ever. I am so greatful to be a SAHM. It’s nice to hear a different perspective on the subject.

  3. My mom stayed home with us also, and so I never wanted to work when I had kids. That doesn’t mean it’s been easy (financially, mentally), but I am so glad I get to raise my kids.

  4. The transition from a working woman to a SAHM is definitely a unique experience. My parents worked a ton when we were young. I seldom saw my dad. Because of that, I knew that if I ever had kids, I’d stay with them before they went to school.

  5. I love this!
    So I’ve been all of the above. I had my first child at 18 and so being that young things were obviously pretty tight financially – my husband is in the military but hadn’t really advanced much at that time. The area we lived in we couldn’t afford childcare and I had no education – so I stayed home because we couldn’t afford for me to go to school/work. At that time I felt “lacking” like I wasn’t doing enough to contribute to the family.

    Then when my husband deployed my brother came to live with me and my son (in a different state from where my family is) so that I didn’t have to be alone in a strange state for a year. During that time I found a certificate program to become a dental assistant and went to work. I LOVE that job – but the feelings were mixed for sure. I missed my son and husband (when he got back from deployment he worked nights I worked days) so while I was fulfilled feeling like I was contributing financially – emotionally I was “lacking”

    So either way I felt like something was missing.

    Now I work from home with two kids – and I LOVE it!
    It’s been my favorite “stage”of my life career wise.

  6. I also always felt like a “career woman” so always planned to work if I had kid. Ended up not having my child until I was almost 40 so not sure if that has anything to do with it, but I TOTALLY would stay home if we could financially make it work. Unfortunately it doesn’t work, he’s home during the day with him and then I am with him evenings after 4. It’s tough. I would love to be the sahm and I never thought that would be the case!

  7. Been a stay at home Dad, I know how you feel. Everyone has their own opinion. But it’s about what is best for your family. I really do think it is much better for the kids. I can’t imagine leaving kids in daycare when they are so young. Makes you kinda wonder what was the point in even having kids.

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